“If I paid you ten dollars, would you take that off? How about twenty dollars?”

Days turn to nights, nights to days. Awake, asleep; asleep, awake.

I realized that the only way to purify my nafs was to leave things that distracted me. True, Facebook had its advantages, but for me, it was like alcohol; its detriment was greater than its benefit. So I decided to give it up for the sake of Allah subhanahu wa ta’ala. For months I struggled with my decision.

My mind immediately went back to a day when my mother and I were out shopping a couple of months ago. I was holding a cotton jacket between my hands in the store, and I could picture the jacket off the hanger and part of a potential piece of a hijab outfit – the ones I used to struggle trying to construct. I recalled the endless shopping nightmares of trying to find something loose, not see-through, fashionable, comfortable, cheap, my size, and the list goes on. I sighed out loud at those memories and mentioned to my mom, “Alhamdulilah that Allah has had mercy upon me with abayas!”

More recently, however, I noticed that the spiritual incline I felt in my very bones was not reverberating throughout my body quite so vigorously anymore. I tried thinking of what the reasons could be for a portion of time that felt more like an eternity. Weakened iman for someone who has become accustomed to one of steady growth is probably the worst feeling, and I don’t think it is a stretch to say that.