The Story of “I Don’t Care”
42A short, intriguing story about who to please by guest writer Saalika.
I sat in the room, alone, observing my new dress that I wore, and carefully examining my accessories. I was dressed in the most stylish of clothes with perfect matching accessories, and along with my new haircut, I thought I looked the most beautiful of all.
But would others approve? As I asked myself this question, I started to perceive many flaws in my appearance.
Suddenly my best friend entered the room, looking very graceful and elegant; I smiled at her and remarked, “You look beautiful –as usual.”
“Thanks,” she replied.
“But the makeup is too heavy,” I continued in a frank tone. “I mean people are going to be like: why is she so dressed up? She looks like a bride.”
“I don’t care what people think,” she retorted back.
I looked at my friend in wonderment; how can you stop caring about what people think? This had always been an unresolved mystery in my mind. I could never understand the reality of the “I-don’t-care” phenomenon, and a very big reason for this was that my heart was a captive to the love of this world. I had spent a large part of my life pleasing people, but I would never admit this to myself.
“Let’s go” my friend shouted, and my train of thoughts stopped with the “let’s have fun” signal.
We both went to a family dinner, and as usual, these dinners are more of a family type fashion show: where everyone from the toddlers to the grandmothers is dressed in the most stylish way. The aunties are like the fashion analysts who are just too busy eyeing every girl for their sons, and merely judging the girls on their dressing sense. While the young ladies are like social butterflies, mingling with everyone, be they from amongst the men or the women.
In such a gathering, I was talking to my friends, enjoying the compliments I received, constantly refreshing my makeup, and eating as less as I could so as not to ruin my dress.
As I was eating I said to my friend, “why are those aunties staring at us?”
My friend turned to look, and then replied to me, “Why do you care? Stop caring so much about what people think.”
Again a series of questions sparked off in my mind. I silently continued with my dinner, but suddenly my attention was drawn towards someone sitting afar, covered from head to toe in black. She was wearing a niqab and eating her dinner in a way that seemed to be very difficult to me.
I stared at that lady, who appeared very obviously to be isolated by everyone as no one dared go near her. Everyone just walked and talked around her as if she didn’t exist.
But I was too much in awe of her character, her attire, and how she was just sitting there in a black burqah –giving up all her desires that every girl has to dress up.; how she preferred her Lord over the world, how easily she seemed satisfied with her decision, how true she seemed in front of her Lord. As I observed her, I took a deep sigh, and prayed: Oh Allah! Allow me to reach such a state where I also stop caring about the world and give up everything for You.
My friend turned to me and said, “Hey look at that ninja! I wonder how she can dress like that.”
I replied, “She doesn’t care what people think about her.”
***
A year later, I returned back from my best vacation ever which was spent in Egypt. I used to believe that that trip gave me a new sense of liberty, but I little realized that it actually made my soul restless.
When I returned back home, I felt empty. My friends tried counselling me but I would always reply with a silent nod to their kind words. My family could not understand my deep silence and I myself could not recognize what my heart searched for, even though everything seemed to be in the right place.
I started living my life by the “I-don’t-care” rule: wearing more immodest clothes, listening to music, doing what the entire “I-don’t-care” crowd does. But inside my heart, I knew what I was doing wasn’t right.
I could feel the guilt of breaking my promise to my Lord –though I knew that no matter how much anyone claimed to understand me, only my Creator could understand me. In the middle of sleepless nights, I would cry and try to make sense of my life. I had everything but I wanted something else. I knew this world was temporary so why was I allowing myself to be fooled by it?
I would think to myself that my grave would be dark just like this room; in fact it would be so much darker and smaller. I could still call out to my parents for help if needed in this room, but in my grave who would I be able to call out to?
Then I would confess to my Lord, indeed I have wasted my life, and a tear would roll down my cheek. And then I would assure myself, I still have time, I can change, but Shaytan would make all this thinking useless by making me feel hopeless again.
But one night, as I was crying, I told myself I can change; and just as Shaytan started messing with my mind, I firmly told myself: I am a slave of Allah. My job is to take a step and it is Allah’s will if He wants me to get to the end of this road, He will help me through it. I promised myself that this time I will change, and even if I failed, I had firm faith in Allah’s mercy, and that no matter what the end result would be, at least on the Day of Judgement I would be able to tell Allah subhanahu wa ta’ala that at least I tried, at least I took a step.
A month later, I joined an Islamic course, and with the mercy of Allah subhanahu wa ta’ala, and in the company of my pious and beautiful teacher, I changed. I became a completely new person. But this process of change didn’t come easy. You have to really struggle a lot to overcome your own desires. It is easy to achieve triumph over things in this world but it is extremely difficult to defeat your own self.
One of the biggest battles I had to fight was starting the hijab. Everyday I would ask myself, when will I start wearing hijab? I would then answer, tomorrow.
After which the arguments would begin in my head: what will people say? What if I stop wearing it suddenly? What if it doesn’t suit me? and a series of “what-if’s” would change my mind every time.
But I continued to make immense du’a to Allah subhanahu wa ta’ala and finally, by His Mercy, I started hijab and the niqab.
The first time I went to a dinner party with my hijab and niqab I was extremely nervous. As I entered I kept looking at my feet, trying to avoid the negative vibes that came from the fashion-conscious aunties. I felt that I didn’t have the courage to face them. My mind kept telling me, don’t look up, don’t look at them, just ignore them. I secretly made du’a to Allah subhanahu wa ta’ala to create ease for me in this step, and my heart then told me: it’s time to face them.
Something in my mind instantly replied, no, what must they all be thinking about you?
I humbly looked up, smiling to myself, and answered that daunting question with a simple reply: I don’t care what people think.
And that was the day when I actually understood the reality of these words. That was the day when these words came from my heart and I understood that when you do something for your Lord, then it is His Mercy that surrounds your heart and thus you give in to true submission to Him; and that is when He makes the trials of this world very easy.
When the hearts are fully submerged in the ocean of submission to Him — that is when the high tides of this world cause no harm to the one who is already overcome –overcome by the storm of Hubbu lillah (love for Allah).
sajid raj
October 04, 2011Mashallah , nice
Anonymous
October 04, 2011I love this so much. One of my favourite articles ever. Please keep smiling dearest sister. Keep climbing (: <3
Nida
October 04, 2011MashAllah a very inspiring post! JazakAllah chair for sharing :)
Nida
October 04, 2011*JazakAllah KHAIR.. lol.. must always re-read comment before pressing post button :P
Yasmin
October 04, 2011Mashallah, words can not express how much I enjoyed reading this post! You really inspired me to stop caring about what other people will think about me when they see me wearing the hijab! Also, I really admire you for taking the extra step to wear the niqab!
Fatima
October 05, 2011I love u, and all my sisters in islam for the sake of Allah!
May Allah gather us all together in jannat al firdous inshAllah!, ameen
potential Hijabi
October 05, 2011“When the hearts are fully submerged in the ocean of submission to Him — that is when the high tides of this world cause no harm to the one who is already overcome –overcome by the storm ofHubbu lillah (love for Allah).” So true!! :)
Mashallah lovely, I can relate to the restless days you had too, Loved it! ..
“Veryily, in remembrance of Allah do hearts find rest!” May Allah make things easy for you and for all of us and may he help us do everything we can to please Him alone! Ameen :)
Muslimah*~
October 05, 2011Aww :) Such a sweet, poignant story.
May Allah SWT set alight our hearts with the fire of love for Him and His Nabi sallalahu alayhi wassalam. Ameen :)
Muslimah*~
October 05, 2011ameen! :)
Sumera
October 05, 2011i think every girl would have faced similer consequences especially if you are from a fashionable family ,,,,i confess this was the exact story of my life but like the story say I DONT CARE WHAT PEOPLE THINK MY AIM IS TO PLEASE MY DEAR ALLAH NOT PEOPLE and deep down everyone knows people can neevr get happy….
Aisha
October 05, 2011MashAllah!!!! so beautiful and touching!
I dreamt about the day of judgement and that I was running for my hijab. this happened once and then twice again on consecutive days. I had been thinking of wearing it for sometime but kept procastinating it so I think the dreams were a sign to take action. I wore the hijab last year around this time and I felt so much peace and tranquility. my worry was what would people say when i went out wearing it but the people who supported me most were my parents and brother and a few friends(who aren’t even Muslims) and that gave me the courage. after all…if a Muslim won’t wear the Hijab,who will?! I pray that I get the same courage to wear a burqa and niqab as this Sister did..In Shaa Allah..
sara
October 05, 2011But one night, as I was crying, I told myself I can change; and just as Shaytan started messing with my mind, I firmly told myself: I am a slave of Allah. My job is to take a step and it is Allah’s will if He wants me to get to the end of this road, He will help me through it. I promised myself that this time I will change, and even if I failed, I had firm faith in Allah’s mercy, and that no matter what the end result would be, at least on the Day of Judgement I would be able to tell Allah subhanahu wa ta’ala that at least I tried, at least I took a step.May Allah (swt) use these words to help me chnage too . I am that ninja too but i have a lot of dirt inside of me that i need to get rid of, May Allah (swt) help me.
Ariba Tahir1991
October 05, 2011Superb article, I really enjoyed,well the same questions blocked my way for few years but then
by the Grace ov ALLAH SUBHAN O TALA n true guidance I overcame my fear,and now I really enjoyed doing HIJAB N NAQAB.May ALLAH guides ever Muslim women so that she can save herself from hells fire
Ayish..
October 06, 2011SubhanAllah..!!! :’)
I can myself relate to much of what has been said..!! :’)
“”When the hearts are fully submerged in the ocean of submission to Him — that is when the high tides of this world cause no harm to the one who is already overcome –overcome by the storm ofHubbu lillah (love for Allah).””
MashAllah..beautiful words ukhti…!! May Allah reward you !! <3
I absolutely love this article..!!
Ayisha Ishaq
October 06, 2011one of my favorites tooo…mashAllah.. !! ;’)
Nasreen-hassan
October 06, 2011Amazing story Mashallah Tabarakallah!!!! Allah guides whomever He wills!!!! Allahu Akbar!!!!
wz
October 06, 2011sA,,,,beautiful piece that came from the heart and hits back right there
Mariya Umer
October 06, 2011Wow. This article is one of the purest feelings expressed by one beautiful girl, who’s prettier inside <3
Iqra
October 07, 2011Wonderful story :) I love how you used “I don’t care” in a meaningful way instead of the usual idle way it is used.
SisterlyHugsXxx :)
October 07, 2011<3 <3 i love, i love, i love this :) mashaAllah ^_^
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October 07, 2011[…] October 7, 2011 by fkhan The Story of “I Don’t Care” […]
Donna Moussa
October 07, 2011This is Amazing , Masha’Allah . May Allah(SWT) grant you Jannat Al Fardows:) :’)
Anonymous
October 08, 2011I agree with TheSisterWhoSmiles, this might also be one of the most beautiful articles I’ve ever red! You brought tears to my eyes. Many times while I was reading, I had to stop because the emotions I was feeling inside were so strong… As I was reading, I was asking myself so many questions, it’s almost as if I was in your own shoes… This article is a master piece, may Allah Subhana Wa Ta’ala keep your on the right path dear Sister <3
Sherylfatima
October 08, 2011thank you, for your inspiring story. Inshallah I will be like you.
Sherylfatima
October 08, 2011thank you, for your inspiring story. Inshallah I will be like you.
Sadf
October 09, 2011I can completely relate to your story. JazakAllah khayr for sharing your experience with us. Loads and loads of love and duas:)
Bushrayasin
October 09, 2011i love it (: mashaALLAH . my love you inspire me alot .
Tariq Khan
October 11, 2011Salam, this is a nice article. There are lots of hijabi sisters who were previously not very religious. So for Muslim men in the USA it is hard to figure out who the virgins amongst the sisters are. Even one of the Muslim speakers at ICNA said he was close to tears because so many hijabi sisters questioned him about how they can repent from having committed zina. These leaves a lot of Muslim men searching abroad for the truly modest sisters whom no man has touched.
Javed
October 12, 2011This is the real Jihad, to struggle with one owns self for better. MashAllah, the sister has won it.
pressubmit
October 12, 2011This story brought tears to my eyes. MashAllah well written, and BarakaAllahu feeki for sharing it. Its truly inspirational. Subhanallah, Ive been wearing the hijab ever since I can remember, and so I never really suffered any consequences from it, because I felt like I grew in that mould, it was there all the time. But reading about the strengths needed really inspires even the hijabis to go past their state. In Islam, theres never really a pedestal you can just stagnate on or relax, its a never ending journey to get Closer to the One. May Allah (swt) always make us of those who dont care for any worldly things, materialism, peoples opinions of us, rather may we always strive for His pleasure and grant us His eternal Beauty.
Ameen
Once again, BarakAllahu Feeki Ukhti
Lilac_yumna
October 13, 2011JazakAllah Khayr for the article! I have been going through some of the same things except mine is a more of an internal struggle. I have been wearing hijab since a long time so even though I constantly struggle with my vanities and desires, it is an easier thing than my internal struggles. Your story is very inspiring.
Lilac_yumna
October 13, 2011JazakAllah Khayr for the article! I have been going through some of the same things except mine is a more of an internal struggle. I have been wearing hijab since a long time so even though I constantly struggle with my vanities and desires, it is an easier thing than my internal struggles. Your story is very inspiring.
Fatuma
October 14, 2011mashallah, i loved reading this article, it is great
Reshma khan
October 14, 2011truly inspirational……
H9
October 18, 2011If a person has truly changed,others should not find faults with their past,that is what I think.
Nausheen
October 22, 2011This is beautiful. I am going to share this on facebook.
The Slave Of Allah
October 25, 2011When the hearts are fully submerged in the ocean of submission to Him — that is when the high tides of this world cause no harm to the one who is already overcome –overcome by the storm of Hubbu lillah (love for Allah). …Most touching words! JazakhAllah sis
Bushra Wains
November 07, 2011Very invigorating and heart warming story. MashaAllah. Verily this world is a trial for a Maumin!
Shiney
November 09, 2011i love your story sister, it relates to me a little bit…Uhibbik fillah :)
May Allah bless you, guide you and help you all the way!
shamim
November 14, 2011Alhamdolillah …
Maryam
December 31, 2011when all you care about it what your Lord will think,then know you are free……
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