By the Morning Light

12

A reflection by Anonymous over our lowly position in front of our bountiful Lord.

Sitting on the prayer mat after Fajr salah, my chirping friends notify me of the arrival of the sun. Just their innocent babble is enriching; uplifting. They peck at the tiny red flowers my mother lovingly planted outside my room. A couple of them indulge in a fun morning bath in the bowl of water hung outside. The window is shut, but the gently swaying leaves hint at a gust of wind blowing. Watching closely, it is like the leaves are being tickled by the playful breeze. Is it just me or do they seem a brighter shade of green today? Light is prettily draping over the remains of the previous night. It coyly puts her best foot forward and charmingly smiles at the world. Graciously, it falls over us all; sinners, hypocrites, cowards; lovers, strugglers, and forebearers.

The breeze does not stop at my window. It reaches me and refreshes me despite my ungratefulness. It still knocks hopefully, to entice me into getting out of bed for salah. Each morning the birds still come to my ledge to do their dhikr. They don’t judge me like I judge others. They do not look down upon my lesser company, but continue to give with open hearts and wings. Dawn does not betray me like I betray my Lord. It does not leave me to dwell in the dark forever. It comes without fail, without complaint.

My breaths are not withheld because I did not praise my Creator. My pulse does not drop because I did not remember Him in my heart. My limbs do not get paralyzed because I did not submit in salah. My skin does not disintegrate because I did not cover it properly. Allahu Akbar. In truth, it should have. My deeds are such that I deserve nothing less than such a state.

But who is my Lord? Not some piece of stone. Not a flame.. Not a human being. Not an ideology, or a spirit. It is Rabb al Kareem, our Most Honourable Lord! He is Al Rahman, Al Raheem, the completely, entirely, forever Merciful. He is Al Khabeer, the All-Aware, Al ‘Aleem, the All-Knowing. Subhan Allah. It befits His Majesty to give and only give. He does not need my worship or my loyalty to be the King of Kings. My disobedience does not decrease His Power. He does not need me for anything.

It is I who need Him desperately. I need Him for my heart, body, and soul. I can not live without Him, cannot even die without Him. I long for His Pleasure and His Grace. I pine for just one look of mercy, just one moment of His approval. Even if I had the wings of those sparrows I could not fly to Him, the reign of the wind I could not reach Him, the light of the sun I could not see Him. I am worthless and insignificant. All I can do is just sit here on my prayer mat, watching these birds, breeze, and dawn. With the hope that insha’Allah one day my sighs of longing will drift with this breeze, fly on these birds, travel with the light, and please my Beloved Lord.