From Darkness… To Peace

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Guest writer Yumna B. takes us through her journey to peace after stumbling through many darknesses.

I was empowered by the shadows of my surroundings. No, It wasn’t pleasant. It threw darkness upon me from every angle. As I lay there on my bed staring at the wall all I could picture were my tears, my weak heart, my lost identity. As days went by though, I lived through hope, hope for a better tomorrow, hope from Allah, the Almighty. I prayed once in a blue moon when I got down to it. Always questioning the existence of God, blaming Him for everything. My life was cursed – by myself.

Getting up at seven in the morning, I would start the day by looking for my iPod. With music blaring in my ears I would dress myself for university. With those perfect “dolled-up” clothes and that airbrushed look, from concealer to eyeliner, eyeliner to blush, blush to lip gloss and tons of perfume. I would leave home eager for a guy friend to compliment me, which would be the highlight of my day. I was outwardly satisfying myself with those illusions and lies, yet this “satisfaction” never gave me the peace and serenity I longed for.

However, it was during one Islamic program that I attended, where I met this girl from my university whom I had never seen before. She was a senior, a beautiful niqabi. With that warmth in her eyes, love in her heart, purity in her soul she was an example of someone who lived her life not by her own wishes but, by the commands of Allah subhanahu wa ta’ala. She is truly beautiful . It was she who inspired me and made me turn back to my own birth religion which had become a stranger to me.

I do not know how or why Allah subhanahu wa ta’ala chose me and changed every aspect of my life through the introduction with this sister, alhamdulilah. With the hijab on my head and in my heart, and my body protected by this one simple abaya, I now stand proud as a strong Muslim woman. I now smile at my reflection because I have realized, true peace is only found in a relationship with Him, the Almighty. Truly, He is the only One deserving of our uncompromising love and the only One who deserves to be sought after.

Living in a family where religion is last priority, for me, everyday is a battle –a battle for Allah subhanahu wa ta’ala. Losing those guy friends, make up, and music was far from easy and this path was littered with many obstacles. But, my sisters, life is much more precious than that; life is worth living only for Him. Only He can fix the broken pieces of our life, not you or I. I have never been so much at peace in my own skin as I am now, alhamdulilah.

“Verily only and only in the remembrance of Allah do hearts find true peace…”

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Dedicated to my friend, sister Zehra, who took me a step closer to the truth.

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