Tiaras of Tawbah

21

A deep and reverberating reflection on the state of our hearts.

Days turn to nights, nights to days. Awake, asleep; asleep, awake.

Our lives a blur. Some instances clearer than the others. Some moments slower; taxing, frustrating. Amidst these palates of colors our hearts stay the same; stained, scarred, grey, black. So much have they seen and heard. We have wronged ourselves with the tyranny of our own sins. No one else to blame.

Each morning we look at our reflection in the mirror. Look at what others see, what they perceive. The softness of our faces, the vibrancy, the serenity. All a delusion. How easily we fool them. Yet how easily we fool ourselves. We have our signature disguises which shroud the diseases in our hearts. Envy, greed, hatred, pride, lust, weakness – all expertly brushed under the carpet.

Wrapping our hijabs around our heads, tucking in each stray hair, we begin our daily ritual. Losing ourselves in the folds of our abayas, our shivering hearts seeking refuge in the warmth of the fabric. With precision our hands veiling our faces and our faults. Fastening the pins, we fasten the locks to our secrets. Our hearts hook onto a desperate silent prayer:

“Keep us safe oh Lord. Save us from our own oppression. Protect others from our evil, protect us from theirs. You are Al Ghaffar, the Most Forgiving, Al Sitteer, The Concealer of faults; hide and cover our weaknesses in this world and the next. Ar Raheem, oh the Most Merciful One.  You have guided us to the outward actions, please let it be a means of cleansing and purifying our inward selves. Preserve, nurture, and heal, Rabb al Kareem!

We say we bring to you mountains of sin, You say Your mountains of mercy are greater! We say our sins extend from the heavens to the earth, You say Your mercy extends further! We put ourselves at Your feet and You crown us with tiaras of tawbah!

An Noor, please let the light of this action beautify us inside and out. Let its noor permeate our souls and pierce our hearts, like the first encompassing ray of dawn as it conquers the hopelessness of the night. Aameen.

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