Before I Croak

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Do you have a list of things you’d like to accomplish in your life? Guest writer Nilab does, and she shares it with us here.

Here’s my story.

I have three top things I want to do before I croak. They are: wear hijab, speak Arabic fluently, and memorize the Qur’an. Not too long ago, one of these things was fulfilled.

My goal was to wear it after college, but when that seemed to far away, the goal was after high school, and then finally, I told myself, on the day of my graduation. Well, then I started to think. Everyone knows I am a Muslim and a proud one, so really, why wasn’t I willing to wear my hijab while I was in high school?

Honestly, I didn’t have a legitimate reason. Can you think of one? So my 18th birthday was coming up in May, and it was the perfect opportunity. At age 17, I’d accomplished so much; I’d matured and grown up a lot as a person. It was a good year for me. I thought, since it was such a great year, I wanted to end it right and start my new year right as well.

One day, as a treat for my mother, I decided to order her Turkish food. I placed my order, and since they didn’t have delivery, I drove there to pick it up.

I was getting ready. I had my clothes on. I got to thinking. I was finally 18. One thing was missing. And I knew. I put on my new scarf and walked out that door, just like that.

At first, I felt weird, being all wrapped up and trapped. This feeling didn’t go away for a couple of days.

The came Monday, and I had to make my first appearance at school. I was late for my first class. I stood outside my class for about four seconds, too afraid of going in and having everyone’s eyes on me. (I hate attention and people staring at me). Eventually though, I went inside and sat down.

Yes, people were looking at me in a way that said, “Okay, she didn’t use to wear that.” I felt uneasy. During the day, my friends were surprised but supported me nonetheless.

Everyone took it well, expect one person, but I was expecting that. Frankly, her opinion didn’t matter to me, alhamdulillah. Not one bit.

For the next couple of days, though, I hit a stage of depression. The shaitan really grilled me. It made me hate hijab and everything about it. At the same time, I knew the importance of hijab and the beauty of it. So I knew I was being tested by Allah.  There came to a point where I cried to my mother. My sister then gave me this website called “igotitcovered.org.”

I read a lot of the articles there and I started to get my mind back. I once again realized the beauty of hijab. I am only doing this for the sake of Allah. Because when you love someone so much more than anything in this world, you are willing to do whatever to please them. And I knew that, truly, this was one of the biggest things I could do to please Allah. So the next day, I wore my hijab proudly, ignoring the comments from the shaitan. I wasn’t going to let him win this one.

Today, I am happy to say that I am a hijabi merely for the sake of Allah. And I ask Allah to help me never lose sight of that, and I ask that He guides those that want to be guided.