Ya Ummi: Difficulties at Home


We received the following request for help from one of our sisters. Can you offer her any words of advice? Please leave a comment below.

Assalamu alaikum wa rahmutullah, sisters,

I badly need help from any of you… please… I started practicing Islam 3 years ago after I finished 12th grade, whereas my family were just cultural Muslims. They loathed my wearing hijab, practicing Islam…

As a family, we’re really close to each other, but since I turned to Islam, they all started accusing every mistake, big or small, that I do… they blame Islam.

My mom and I have fights often… she uses really bad language, and I’m unable to tolerate it, and sometimes it ends in physical fights because when she tries to hit me, and I try to defend myself, my hand raises, hitting her (not purposely) also…! I can’t imagine that I’m doing all this!

I have been going and saying “sorry” whenever something comes between us – it doesn’t matter who’s at fault – because she’s my mother, and I’ve learnt about what Allah and His Messenger salla Allahu alayhi wasallam tell us about parents. She doesn’t accept my apologies anymore, and says “All religious people are like this. They say sorry and we are supposed to forgive them,” and then she starts insulting again… really badly.

I’m totally depressed… I don’t know what to do… I feel Allah won’t accept me, my du’aa, my fasting… I feel so unworthy…

Please help me… I feel broken when she curses at Islam, at my loved ones… How should I control myself the next time?


“Ya Ummi” is an IGIC column for asking and giving advice, so named because the person we often turn to when we don’t know what to do next is our mother. If you would like to submit your own “Ya Ummi” post, you can do so via the Contact form. Please note that this is not a place to seek fatwas, but rather a place to seek advice from others who may have gone through similar experiences. If you would like answers to fiqh issues, you can visit IslamQA.com or contact your local imam.