Before Hijab, I Was Scared
27Having made a decision that brought many blessings, guest writer Shuma looks back at all the fears – all the unfounded fears – that once held her back.
Before hijab, I was scared. I was scared of what people would think, I was scared of what people would say at work, I was scared of scaring away potential husbands, I was scared of losing friends, I was scared of not being beautiful anymore and standing out in the crowd. All of these things stopped me from wearing hijab sooner, and now I wish, so much, that I had done it sooner. Because I could have saved myself from a lot of fitnah and lot of confusion had I done it sooner.
Over the years, all those fears got smaller and smaller, as one fear – and one love – got bigger. That fear was the fear of displeasing my Creator, Allah subhanahu wa ta’ala. And the love was also for my Creator, Allah subhanahu wa ta’ala. Allah, the Most Merciful, the Most Forgiving. I realised that despite my shortcomings and all the sins I had committed, I could go back to Him, and He would take me back. That insha’Allah, He would forgive me. And He would give me the guidance and inner peace that I was making dua for and yearning for so much inside.
I was twenty-four when I started wearing the hijab. The feeling I had after I started wearing it, and the series of events that have happened since, have never ceased to amaze me and make me feel the love of Allah inside me.
One such event occurred only three weeks after I started wearing it. My hijab saved me. It identified me as a Muslimah so a kind brother with pure intentions came to my aid when I was in need. My car had broken down and I was stuck on the side of a busy junction by a big roundabout. It was well into the evening on a cold winter’s day. As I stood there waiting for the AA to arrive, a man whizzed passed in a motorbike. A few seconds later he came back, got off his motorbike and said “salam” to me.
I had been wearing the hijab for only a few weeks and was not yet accustomed to people recognising me as Muslim and saying their salam to me. I responded, and before I knew it, this kind brother was helping me move my car to a safer area and getting me help so that I did not have to wait alone. He let me know that when he went past and saw a “muslim sister in need,” he could not bring himself to leave me by myself and came back to help me. And once he saw that I was safe, he disappeared as fast as he had appeared.
This one act of kindness has had such a profound effect on my life. He could possibly have saved my life that day, only because I was wearing hijab. Had I been standing on the roadside with my hair all out – as I would probably have been a month before – if anything, I was likely to attract someone with the wrong intentions. That very day, I was feeling fed up from having to have my head wrapped up and feeling hot and uncomfortable all day long. Just at the moment when I was feeling weak, Allah showed me a sign – yet another benefit of wearing the hijab. Being recognised as a muslimah has been one of the best things about the hijab. I have received salams from fellow muslims from all parts of the world – from New York to Sao Paulo.
For all my fears, the benefits I have gained since wearing hijab have been numerous. Before I wore hijab, I went through a period of feeling lost and confused in my life. My friends and cousins were settling down into careers or marriages, I wasn’t settling into either. I could find peace in nothing. I turned to Allah in my dua’s, and remembered coming across the following verse in the Qur’an…
“Surely Allah changes not change the condition of a people, until they change what is in themselves.” [Quran, 13:11]
And I wondered in my heart, what am I doing to help myself? Allah subhanahu wa ta’ala has promised to help me if I help myself, how can I expect His help if I am not fulfilling His commandment? No wonder I couldn’t find peace in my life. I would go out looking “hot” – hair done up, make up, clothes to match – heads would turn in my direction, people always commented and I would feel beautiful for all of five minutes. And then the emptiness would creep in: what good did it do to allow all these people to see my beauty? I just allowed them to sin with their eyes, I became the cause for their sin! Instead of earning my Lord’s pleasure, I was increasing my balance of sins!
This was a wake up call. My love for Allah and fear of displeasing Him was my number one reason for wearing hijab. And once I made that decision, for the sake of Allah subhanahu wa ta’ala, slowly all the fears dissipated one by one.
What will people think? was my first fear. And suddenly, I had the answer: Who cares what people think, what Allah thinks is all that matters. I will have to face Him one Day with everything I have done in this life – what do I want to go to Him with? A life where I have knowingly ignored His commandments? Will “people” help me on that Day?
What will people say at work? Most of them are not even Muslim, this can be my chance to showcase what Islam truly is. Besides, I was sick of being misunderstood. Being a non-hijabi, people assume you must be a “liberal” Muslim and so men will be lax about how they talk and behave around you, and they assume you’ll be fine about going to the pub and other such places. At least if they could see that I was a Muslim, and that I took my Islam seriously, their behaviours will change. And slowly by my example, their attitudes will change also, insha’Allah. And this is what has happened. My colleagues have learnt about my discomfort with certain jokes and behaviours. They understand about my need for prayer time, my aversion to things relating to alcohol, the fact that I am not comfortable with physical contact with men. They are even beginning to understand why I don’t celebrate mother’s day! I still have a very long way to go, as my colleagues are adapting to me as I become more practising, but I pray that insha’Allah, I am portraying a positive example of a modern Muslim woman, with a free mind and strong personality, just as the great Muslim women before me did.
Were potential husbands be scared away? I didn’t want the ones who didn’t want hijab, anyway. Did I lose friends? Possibly, but I have made so many more amazing friends on this road that I don’t miss the old ones. My hijab was the first step for me into a whole new world – entering the mosque, being invited to sisters’ circles, knowing about lectures and courses and Islamic institutes. I was introduced to a whole sisterhood I had only heard about, and the love you feel when you meet someone purely for the sake of Allah to learn about His commands is incomparable to anything else.
Do I feel beautiful anymore? Do I stand out in the crowd? Girl – those are some of the best things! I am even more beautiful now, because Allah has ordered this and Allah loves beauty. My beauty is private, saved for those who I care about and who care about me, not for the whole world. My beauty is not the cause for my sin anymore, and insha’Allah not the cause for other’s sin anymore, either. And do I stand out in a crowd? I’d be upset if I didn’t! If standing out in the crowd means being known as the one who is following the commands of Allah, then I want to be at the front of the line!
The journey has not always been easy. But alhamdulillah, it gets easier every day. I remember some advice I had read at the very beginning, some very simple but powerful advice. Take each day as it comes. It sounds so clichéd, but I really held onto that in the very early days of wearing hijab. The first say at work was the most nerve wracking, but I just reminded myself that it was just one day. If I can get through this day, insha’Allah I can take tomorrow if and when it comes. Because sisters, we are not guaranteed tomorrow.
Shaytan is here, whispering to us all the time, helping us make excuses to stop us from following the commandments of Allah. Chase him away girls, don’t let him distract you to the extent that you die in a state not following the commands of Allah because you were waiting for the “right time.” Make now the right time, and take each day as it comes. Show your obedience and submission to your Lord – walk towards Him one step at a time and He will run towards you – and you will feel it, insha’Allah.
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Submitted to I Got It Covered for our May 2010 reader-takeover month.
aishafaliyu.
May 25, 2010mashaAllah darling..
and yes, i remember before i started wearing mine i was in college 16 and the whole thing
holding me back was “waiting for the right time” astagfrullah, what if it had never come
wal yazubillah the shaytan is indeed an enemy to mankind.
fi amanillah
was salamu laiakum waRahamtullah wa barakatuh
Sarah
May 25, 2010MashaAllah, loved your ending:
“Shaytan is here, whispering to us all the time, helping us make excuses to stop us from following the commandments of Allah. Chase him away girls, don’t let him distract you to the extent that you die in a state not following the commands of Allah because you were waiting for the “right time.” Make now the right time, and take each day as it comes. Show your obedience and submission to your Lord – walk towards Him one step at a time and He will run towards you – and you will feel it, insha’Allah.”
So beautiful, jazakiAllahu khayrn sis!
Bint AbdelHamid
May 26, 2010Jazaki Allahu khayran for sharing your story with everyone, Shuma!
Iqra
May 26, 2010Beautiful. I like the way you covered all the points. And the example was very relevant.
Sona
May 26, 2010mashaAllah sister =)
this advice is good not just for hijab, but could apply to many other situations we fear
jazakaAllah
arshiyakola
May 26, 2010Mashallah , it was a pleasure to read
Maryam
May 26, 2010Asalaam o alykum sr Shuma
i have never seen you or met you or talked to you- but i feel this immense love for you fesabeelilah.
i loved ur article, it brought tears to my eyes subhanAllah.
your advice is priceless and i will always keep it in mind inshaAllah.
Let me reiterate this : “the love you feel when you meet someone purely for the sake of Allah to learn about His commands is incomparable to anything else”
SubhanAllah so true <3
May Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala give you all good both in this world and the Hereafter and may He facilitate all of your affairs ameen.
much love,
ur sister in Islam,
Maryam <3
sivi
May 27, 2010Subhanallah, masya Allah… it was really a great story,
may Allah loves you my sister,
Sundas
May 26, 2010Hamdolillah, I learned and enjoyed from every single part of your story. I have started wearing hijab about a year ago, and wallahi the fears you mentioned are exactly the ones i had before making my decision. But hamdolillah the inner peace you achieve by pleasing Allah subhanahu wa taala, helps you overcome all these fears. JazakAllah Khair for sharing this.
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sivi
May 27, 2010Subhanallah, masya Allah… it was really a great story,
may Allah loves you my sister,
naseem
May 27, 2010Mashallah, such a pleasure to read! I started hijab about a month ago after it was lingering in my mind for what seemed like years and those fears and concerns all so similar to what I was feeling not too long ago. It truly changes you for the better! It was great reading about this positive experience. Thanks for sharing! May Allah reward you immensely inshallah!
tawakalit
May 27, 2010Salam alaekum my sister in islam, the story was interesting and touching may almighty Allah make it easy for every other sister that want to be using it. amin
Norah
May 28, 2010Dear Sister,
Thank's for sharing such an inspirational story. Really close to my heart as I'm on my journey as u too! Assalamualaikum from Singapore! :)
Za
June 04, 2010I love the sincerity of the story and how real these fears are before we wear the hijab and how insignificant these fears become once we wear the hijab. JAK.
Sittie Ainah
June 06, 2010“what good did it do to allow all these people to see my beauty? I just allowed them to sin with their eyes, I became the cause for their sin! Instead of earning my Lord’s pleasure, I was increasing my balance of sins!
What will people think? was my first fear. And suddenly, I had the answer: Who cares what people think, what Allah thinks is all that matters. I will have to face Him one Day with everything I have done in this life – what do I want to go to Him with? A life where I have knowingly ignored His commandments? Will “people” help me on that Day? “
I love it…i was like: “that is so right!!!!!!!!!”
Heheh…
I am a muslim too, and my faith is strengthened by people like you.
Sometimes, I don't wear my hijab properly.
Sometimes it's annoying and irritating and it always falls when I wear it.
Well, I am a Muslim girl, and I shall obey Allah.
This article was great!!!
I love it…
P.S.: which country are you from???
many Christians there??
well I'm glad u embraced Islam.. Heh^^
Salam
Aleema Karmat
June 09, 2010Aalhumdollilah, dear sister, ur article reminded me of my journey towards hijab and da strengthening of my Imaan. this article can surely be an inspirational story for sisters who are new to wearing hijab and somehow are not sure if they have made the perfect choice or not =)
keep up da good work!
Rana
July 12, 2010salam w aalaykum author of this piece and sister readers,
I came across this blog as I was googling the following: “I want to wear the hijab but I'm scared.” And I came across I Got it Covered. Every word rung true with me and reflected the thoughts passing through my mind. What benefit is there from others seeing my arms or my hair, even if I dress relatively conservatively? Co-workers, colleagues at university, friends, acquaintances, people at the grocery store or at the bank where I go – what will they think? how will they react to seeing me with a hijab?
I know that all these fears that have taken a hold of me for a while are useless and stupid. So trivial. Especially when it is the pleasure of Allah swt that I am trying to illict and obeying his command and path for us. I am trying to break free. I feel that I am at the cusp of wearing the hijab. I am thinking: where can I find a hijab? What kind of clothes in my wardrobe can I throw out and which ones can I keep? How will my family react? They may laugh at me or question my rationality, but I know that I want to do it and I'm trying to evaluate the reasons. I feel so much love for the deen and want to obey. I pray that I can take the leap soon. Thank you for shaing this message with us. Your sister in Islam.
onlyme
July 28, 2010Salaam Alykum sister,
I started wearing the hijab only three days ago. And I completely agree about taking it one day at a time. Your article was touching.
May Allah bless you for sharing this with the rest of us.
:)
xoxo
aiysha
August 16, 2010i dont wear hijab i actually feel the same as what you already felt, and reading this made me shiver,and i am now thinking about wearing the hijab :)
Mabrouka
August 16, 2010Assalamualakum.
MashAllah sister Shuma. May Allah almighty reward you for sharing your story and giving uplifting advices. MashAllah, to you. And may Allah righteously strengthen your faith. I am blessed to have a sister in Islam like yourself, mashAllah.
May Allah almighty righteously guide everyone, ameen.
Assalamualakum.
Mabrouka
August 16, 2010Assalamualakum sister Aiysha.
May Allah almighty bless you with His gift to Muslim females which is Hejab. When you wear the Hejab it’s like wearing ‘nour’, truly an undescribable feeling of strength and shield from evil – alhamdulilah.
InshAllah you wear it soon and share your story here with us.
Assalamualakum.
Bint AbdelHamid
August 16, 2010Happy to hear that sister! May Allah make hijab beloved to your heart, and make it easy for you to wear it.
New Sister of Islam
September 16, 2010Assalamu Alaikum sister,
Today was my first day wearing the Hijab, I have wanting to wear it for awhile but I too was afraid. And yesterday a sudden sadness and overwhelming emotion came over me and I was disappointed in myself for not wearing the hijab, I did not want to leave my car. So I told myself that tomorrow (today) I will wear the hijab. When today came around I was very afraid and nervous, I thought to myself, what will people think, who will want to be friends with me, will someone attack me?
I sat in my room for an hour building up the courage to wear the Hijab and I have to tell you that your article is what gave me that last bit of strength. You’re right, I want to please Allah, praise be upon him, and no one else. I do not care what other people think. Allah, praise be upon him, is always there for me when I need Him to be so the least I could do is show Allah, praise be upon him, my modesty and be true to him for it is he who watches over me and he who I will have to answer to.
Thank you sister for this extra bit of strength. It brought tears to my eyes.
Assalamu Alaikum
Y.
September 18, 2014This is where the difficulties usually come in.
For many sisters, it truly is a jihad. I remember very vividly how scared I was the first day I put on the headscarf and went out into public.
As long as you are just wearing the modest clothes, nobody has to know that you are a Muslim.
Once you complete your hijab with the headscarf, you are suddenly announcing to everyone who sees you that “I am a Muslim”.
Here is some advice based on my own experiences.
Wear it for the sake of Allah SWT
Various statements are made about why you should wear hijab, such as for modesty or for protection, but the real reason that we wear hijab is that Allah SWT has commanded it. Whenever anyone asks you, why do you dress like that, that’s the only answer you need to give them.
Wear it for the hope of Jannah
Allah SWT makes tests for us in this world. He makes things difficult for us. He wants to see if we will remember Him, if we will have faith in Him, and if we will trust in Him. These qualities are what is meant by “sabr”.
So that’s what you should set your mind to. Yes, it’s difficult to wear hijab. You may be rejected by your family or your friends, you may face harassment and persecution or be fired from your job. These are very scary thoughts. But if you have sabr and keep trusting in Allah SWT, I swear to you sister, this is the path to Jannah, and when you look back on the Day of Qiyamah you will know that it was worth it and have no regrets.
Wear it today and trust in Allah SWT for tomorrow
What do I mean by that? What I mean is that you should take it one day at a time, or even one outing at a time. Sometimes the future seems to stretch on forever and ever and you don’t think you can make it that long. You want to give up before you even begin.
So sometimes the best thing to do is to keep you mind focused on what is immediately at hand. Allah SWT will take care of the future. If you have to go out to the market, then concentrate on being able to wear hijab just for this activity and on getting through it. If you do get through it and nothing bad happened, then give thanks to Allah SWT for making it easy for you, and turn your mind to your next outing.
Or if you have to go out to school or work, then concentrate on being able to wear hijab just for this one day and on getting through it. And give thanks to Allah SWT when you have made it, and turn your mind to the next day.
Eventually the outings will turn into days and the days into weeks, and the weeks into months. One day you will realize that you have been wearing hijab for quite a long time and it isn’t really as bad as you feared, and Allah SWT helped you get through it. Don’t be ashamed. Sometimes it is like this. The most important thing is to have sabr and keep your trust in Allah SWT always.
Wear it and spite the shaytan
My dear sister, the worries and fears in your mind are the whisperings of the shaytan. He wants to talk you out of obeying Allah SWT.
It is very easy to keep going around in circles in your mind and to dwell on all the things that could go wrong. I know that I myself have a tendency to do this, I put it off and I dither and I wait for “the perfect time”. If I let myself, I would never do anything at all!
So the thing you have to remember is that you do not need to be perfect in iman to wear hijab. If perfection were a qualification, where is the sister who could wear it??
You must also not fall into the trap of thinking that you should wait until all your worries and fears have disappeared. They never will! Trust me on this, sister.
True courage is going ahead to do what’s right even though you are still nervous and scared. So don’t listen to the shaytan. Ignore the worries and fears he whispers into your mind. Tell him that you will not let him keep you from obeying Allah SWT and you will not let him rule your life.
Make the decision to wear it
Once you have come to know in your heart that you must wear hijab, then you have to set a day
S
April 09, 2015I really needed this. I’m 24 and just started, I can already feel some of my friends distancing themselves from me and it’s made me feel depressed and miss just being religious with my hair out. I’m still the same person and I hope they will see that and that I can meet more people too IA I really need to overcome this inner struggle as it is just day 3.
Yomna
July 09, 2017I read that because I want some courage to wear hijab and I’m going to wear it so soon insha’allah