The Last Straw

10

In this guest post, Sharena F. shares her gradual story to hijab and contentment.

My hijab story began 5 years ago when I became tired of having lewd looks thrown at me by men. The last straw came when an old man stared at me and I could see in his eyes he was undressing me, and I thought, “How dare that lowlife look at me as if he had a right to?” I wore hijab, complete with jilbab, the very next day. Thus, wearing the hijab became protection for me and for my dignity against any lewd thoughts and actions, such as flirting from men.

Over the next few years, my hijabi styles ranged from full (covering my chest with my scarf) to barely there (covering only my hair). The frequent hijabi-style-see-saw caused me to be confused about my true identity as a Muslimah, and I began to view the hijab as a trendy and stylish accessory instead of protection for my dignity. I spent unnecessary amounts of time and money on trying different styles of hijab that would make me look more attractive, to other women and to men…

Being in this state of mind of course brought doubts to my Iman and I began to question myself. I began to search deep inside me to try and understand why I wore hijab. During this time, I even went through a period where I didn’t think the hijab was relevant to me anymore, and I didn’t want to wear it!

But, alhamdulillah, my heart and my mind became open to the true reason why wearing hijab is important to me: I wear it for the sake of Allah subhana wa ta’ala. When I realized this, I began to increase in my faith and I began to act more accordingly to the Sha’riah. I was much more careful with my awra’ after that.

When I first felt an instinct to wear niqab, my reaction was to research fatwas regarding the wearing of niqab, looking at both perspectives of those supporting niqab and those opposed to it, and asking my closest friends on what they thought about me wearing niqab. Everyone came back with negative comments. So, I wavered about my decision until one day, I decided to make du’a and just trust in Allah subhana wa ta’ala.

My decision (and choice) was very clear. I choose to wear the niqab. The very first day I wore the niqab in public is a day I will never forget. On that day, I truly felt, at last, I am a Muslim. I felt complete. I knew, without doubt, this is my true Muslim identity. Alhamdulillah, once the choice was made, I found my path cleared and no one, not even my family, questioned me on my decision.

Now, even though others may think I am not beautiful, I know I am beautiful inside, underneath my hijab and niqab, for Allah subhana wa ta’ala… and He is the only One I need to please.

Allah knows best.