Lip-gloss, Eyeliner, and a Spine-Chilling Day
The mistakes we make are sometimes the most valuable lessons we learn, as one anonymous sister shares with us. May Allah protect us and enable us to follow His guidance.
I always heard growing up that Allah protects the women through the (correct) hijab. Allah keeps the women with honor, integrity, and dignity through the hijab. I’m not sure if I really thought about it seriously when I would hear people saying this truth.
I had to experience an awful event for me to truly understand this truth. An experience that would change me for the rest of my life.
It all started on a typical morning, years ago, when I was much younger. I had to go to the art Museum to check out a particular Picasso painting.
While I wore the hijab, I couldn’t step out of my house without beautifying my face with make-up. It was like an addiction. I had to use bronzer, blush, eyeliner, smoky eye shadow, lip gloss and more. But Alhamdulillah, I had enough taqwa to not pluck my eyebrows. I always feared doing that.
While I did wear the hijab with a beautified face and nice outfit, I didn’t wear jilbab and I wasn’t planning to any time soon. In fact, for me it seemed unimaginable. Now that I reflect on those times, I realize that I didn’t wear the hijab correctly.
That day, I put on my make-up and I thought I looked really pretty. “Great, I look great,” I thought as I looked at the mirror. I was about to step out of my house to go to the Museum.
I went into the subway and sat on the train. There was an old man who stood in front of me. It looked as if the old man wanted to sit or something and there were no empty seats left. So I asked him and offered my seat, “Do you want to sit?”
This old man looked and then all of a sudden started to loudly say, “No, I don’t want to sit! I don’t want to sit! Do I look that old to you?! Do I look that old!? Am I that old!? I don’t want to sit!”
As the man stood in front of me, shouting of course, others in the train began to look with raised eyebrows at the commotion.
“No, you don’t look old, you’re not old… you’re not old…” I said to the old man, looking around at the professionals in the train who may have been on their lunch break.
The man continued to say, “Do I look old! Am I that old!” Simultaneously, to make the man shut it, I said, “No, you don’t look old, you don’t look old.”
After this sorta-kinda tit-for-tat, I told him (to calm him down), “When I see older people, I usually give them my seat.” (Keeping in mind that people in subway were looking at me and in no way did I want to make a bad impression of Islam and the hijab.)
Then he smiled as he looked at me and thanked me. As I sat and he stood in front of me, the old man, who was dressed like a sophisticated white collar professional, started to ask me what my name was.
I answered him. I didn’t want him to think I was rude, and I was looking out for my stop. I had already gotten lost that day. He asked me some questions about my school, my studies, my ambitions, and so on. Since he was an old man (most probably much older than my father), I really didn’t think badly of him or his intentions.
He spoke and was exceptionally articulate. He didn’t seem like he had evil intentions. While he talked and stared away at me, I didn’t realize that he was getting closer and closer.
When I looked at this face, I received a very creepy and sinister smile. His stares were weird. I avoided looking into his eyes and the situation was getting strange.
If he asked me anything, I would just look right and left, looking to see if my train stop was here… and the stop was farther than I thought. Thus, giving him more time to execute his plan.
In the mean time, the man stepped closer and closer to me while I sat and he stood. At one moment, I realized that the compartment had many empty seats. Yet, his old man was standing right in front of me, and staring.
“Strange,” I thought, “why isn’t he sitting down?”
When he asked me where I lived, I knew this man was really up to no good…
When he asked me where I lived, a red alarm went on…
When he asked me where I lived with his striking stare…
What was worse was he said he lived around my school…
Something I will never forget about him was the way he looked. Never will I forget his beady little blue eyes, triangle-shaped teeth, his choppy laugh…
If I had moved to another part of the train, he may have followed me there. I planned in my head, “Wait for your stop, and then just walk out.”
While he stared away at my innocent painted face wrapped in a beautiful hijab, I was conscious of his presence in front of me and kept my train stop in mind.
Then, he came uncomfortably close and got exceptionally close to my ears and said in a low, secretive and disturbing voice, “Are you are interested in exchanging phone numbers? If you are, you can say it in a low voice if you don’t want anyone else to hear.”
My heart pounded when he said that! I couldn’t believe it! Why do you want my number! You know my name! You live near my school! You want my number now!
My mother wasn’t here to comfort me and my father wasn’t here to protect me.
He repeated as he stood right above my face, “Are you interested?”
“No,” I replied.
“No?” he repeated.
“No.” I answered.
I stood up and went by the door. My heart pounded and I didn’t think to see if this pervert was following me or not.
I am a child compared to you, shouldn’t you care about my well-being instead of trying to take advantage of my innocence and inexperience about this world! I thought to myself.
As soon as my stop came, I stepped out and…
Froze. Yes, I completely, froze.
Believe it or not, I couldn’t move, I froze.
I stood on the platform with my hands close to my ears. My ears were burning up. He sounded like a hissing snake, a hissing snake. My shoulders, back, and ears were electrified by a painful stinging fear. My eyes were locked with the image of his blue eyes, with that unwanted striking stare. Never can I forget.
I just stood there with my eyes closed and I seriously couldn’t move. I was all alone.
As I said before, my mother wasn’t here to comfort me and my father wasn’t here to protect me.
As I stood there, someone came and put an arm around me…
I looked!
And saw that it was a woman…
“Was that man bothering you my dear?” she asked with a warm and concerned expression.
“He asked me for my number,” I answered. “He got so close to me…”
My ears felt like burning lava, and the back of my head felt as if someone had lit it on fire. The back of my neck felt bruised and itchy. It was a terrible, awful feeling.
“Honey, all the women on the train were watching how that man was bothering you, and don’t worry, the women were keeping an eye.”
I realized that two women had come to comfort me. Alhamdulillah! Subhan Allah!
They turned around repeatedly, to make sure that he left and wasn’t following me. “He left, right? Make sure he left. He left, right?” “Yeah, I made sure, I took a good look at him,” she said to the second woman.
“My name is G***** by the way. Where are you going? ” she said to me.
I actually couldn’t remember. I was about to burst into tears because of the violation. Words can’t describe how I felt. As I write, I get teary. It was one of the most frightening moments of my life.
The woman told me she was going to work and would show me the direction to where I wanted to go. I walked with her out of the subway. To this day I am thankful to Allah that this woman was there to help me.
“You’re out now. Don’t worry, honey.” The woman comforted me with great care. May Allah guide her to Islam.
I managed to tell her that I was going to the museum and she told me where to go. I said goodbye to her and thanked her for her kindness. To this day, I haven’t forgotten her name or how she looked.
I wonder how I would have walked out of the subway if Allah hadn’t provided me with her assistance that day.
Allah provided help for me that day. Alhamdulillah!
The last thing she told me was, “Honey, tell your mother what happened. It’s something my mother use to tell me. That you should tell your mother when something happens to you. So honey, tell your mother.”
At that moment, I truly started to appreciate the hijab. “The correct hijab is there to protect the woman,” I thought.
“The hijab! The correct hijab! Traveling with a mahram! Better to stay at home! Don’t adorn your face! Wear a hijab with the jilbab!” All these thoughts were racing through my mind as I cried.
If I hadn’t look so “beautified,” and if I had worn the hijab like Allah had commanded, the old man probably would not have taken any interest in me… probably would not have noticed me at all. There would be no need to stare, or even progress to asking me anything!
“What if the women weren’t there, and what if he followed me out of the train! What if he is around me now!” These scary thoughts started to choke me as I walked.
As I walked to the museum, I kept turning around and looking from side to side to make sure that old man wasn’t there.
When I got to the museum, I sat in front of Picasso’s painting and cried. I’m not sure if people noticed that I was crying, but I seriously couldn’t help myself. When I looked at the women walking around with beautified faces and bodies, I thought about how they should be covered… I thought about how Allah’s rules are the best rules. I thought about how Allah indeed has honored the woman! Indeed!
I kept remembering what my mother use to tell me. How she wanted me to wear the jilbab. How she wanted me to wear the hijab correctly. How she didn’t like it when I stepped out without her or my father. She didn’t want to me to beautify my face like that. I started to think about how my mother always stressed going outside with a mahram.
I sat on a small wooden bench and I cried in front of the famous paintings.
“Allah has set rules for the safety and honor of the women,” I thought.
When I finally got home, I was relieved. Home sweet home… where I am safe, cared for, respected and sincerely loved…
Allah says in the Qur’an to the women, ‘And stay in your houses and do not display yourselves like that of the times of ignorance.‘ [33:33]
For more than a week, I would look around everywhere I walked, especially when I went to school, since he said he lived in the area. If I heard someone behind me, I would jump. If someone called my name, I was alarmed. Wherever I was, I became totally alert. I imagined often what I would do if I ever saw him around there. What if I saw him on the bus, around my school, even in my own neighborhood!
That day, I learned the lesson of a lifetime. Allah created us and Allah knows best how we should live our lives.
When a sister wears the (correct) hijab, it is not guaranteed that she won’t be bothered by strange men. Wearing the correct hijab, however, does save her from many kinds of harm that may be lurking around. If a sister wears the (correct) hijab, the chances of her being bothered by men are slim.
Even then, the main and sole reason why a sister should wear the correct hijab is because it is a commandment of Allah.
After that incident, and after gaining more Islamic knowledge, I started to wear the correct hijab. Alhamdulillah.
Ever since wearing a large hijab with a loose jilbab, without makeup, I have never had any strange encounters with any creepy men to that extent again. Alhamdulillah. All praise to Allah.
Whenever I come across the painting I went to see in the Museum that day, I still become overwhelmed with emotion…
I understand now Ya Allah! Ya Allah, I understand now how important the (correct) hijab is… Ya Allah, I understand Alhamdulillah!
Allah says in the Qur’an:
“O Prophet! Tell your wives and your daughters and the women of the believers to draw their cloaks (veils) all over their bodies… That will be better that they should be known (as free respectable women) so as not to be annoyed. And Allah is Ever Oft-Forgiving, Most Merciful.” [33:59]
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Originally submitted by an anonymous fan to The Ideal Muslimah fan page for their ” December: Hijab Month Project.” Our thanks to The Ideal Muslimah for the permission to repost.
Alhamdulillah, I am so very glad you were protected and decided to wear the hijab properly.
Also keep in mind that since so any women don’t cover properly and abandon the religion of Allah SWT so much worse happens than the incidence you face. SO MUCH WORSE – and women can face the horror for years.
May Allah SWT always continue to protect you, Ameen.
And JazakAllah Khair, it was very well written.
SubhanAllah, i got chills just reading that! Alhamduliah for hidyaah! may Allah protect us all from the corruption of this society!
jazakiAllahu khairun sis <3
Hello sister,
I respect your opinion, however, I am afraid I don’t quite agree with your post. Although I do agree on the hijab and everything, I don’t see the mistake as the woman’s. That man was a perverted creep. He would have behaved in that manner to any woman. In these situations, I don’t think it is appropriate to blame the victim for the heinous actions of the perpetrator. Men should know that it is not okay for them to act in such a offensive way. It is a slippery slope when the responsibility of the men’s actions falls on the women. I know many girls who are harrassed because they wear the hijab and jilbab and don’t do makeup. Does that mean we revise the meaning of “true hijab”? No… I am afraid one isolated experience does not justify this. Now, if a woman decides to wear the proper hijab because of her closeness to Allah and understanding that this is Allah’s command, than fine. However, only embracing the proper hijab because of a belief that it prevents men’s attention is flawed. Here in the West, in an atmosphere of Islamophobia, the hijab is associated with Islam and hostility as well as exoticised. Western men focus more on hijab wearing women as their prey. I have honestly been targeted more when I wore the full hijab and jilbab and no makeup. Now, I wear the hijab and modest dress according to where I am going and also do my level of makeup according to wear I am going. I blend into the crowd and no one approaches me. In the West, where I live, this is what I have encountered. The situation may be different for you. It is important to accept all forms of hijab and also never to blame the woman for a man’s actions. It is simply not appropriate. I hope we can discuss this topic more and broaden our horizons.
Also, sexual harrassment, assault, etc. occur in Muslim societies as well, where majority of women do cover properly. So…
It’s true, in cases of rape, (especially) molestation, etc. these are complex issues that do involve the fault of the man. Sometimes, it’s not the females fault AT ALL, just purely the guy’s. Still, however, hijab does certainly shield from many of these harms.
ASSALAMO ALAIKUM,
may ALLAH protect us from azmaish,no muslim should ever say what i am doing is the perfect paractice……..if he or she does so ,thats arogance or takabbur,may ALLAH PROTECT US FROM THAT and make it easier for us to obey quran and sunnah………..as for the story above,dear sister you must have heard”ALLAH JIS KAY SAATH BHALAAI KA IRAADA KUR LAITAA HAY TO USKO DEEN KI SAMAJH DAY DAITA HAY”.reason could be any..
im very happy for you that u understood the real concept ALHUMDOLILLAH,,,
wassalaam,
SubhanAllah, may Allah azzawajal protect all the women in the world from the perverts! Muslim or not, all women should NEVER EVER have to feel uncomfortable because of a man.
I agree with Shamaila on the point the woman should not be blamed cuz of what the man did. The man should be blamed for the sinhe did (perversion) and the woman should be blamed for what sin she did (inproper hijaab). Like sisters said, even where women wear a jilbab and hijaab there might be instances of perversion and rape (may Allah protect us all!).
However, I think it is important to not compromise the proper hijaab Allah subhanahu wa ta’aala has ordered us women to do. However way a person words it, “modest dressing,” “hijab,” “jilbab,” “abaya,” etc. It’s not about what we word it. It’s about studying the ayaat of the women’s dress in the Quran in detail FROM THE ‘ARABI. Do not suffice yourself for what people tell you. We’re such a passive ummah accepting what others tell us – we need to go back to the Quran and study it without having to rely on Abdullah Yusuf Ali and Saheeh International. So my advice to all sisters is to however way you dress make sure it follows the guidelines in the Quran and Sunnah! :)
Assalamu aleikoum wa rahmatulahi wa barakatu,
I do agree with Shaila comments, women can’t be blame for men’s sins. Allah in Quran tell both women and men to low the gaze, not only to women.
I like the blog so much, and I will come back to read you, inshaa Allah
Have a nice day, inshaa Allah
Aisha
feeamanillah
I agree with Shaila that women can’t be blamed for men’s sins. You know jilbab hijab and/or abaya are all so that we don’t stick out and attract peoples attention. And because Allah told us to and many other reasons but wearing a black abaya and hijab on a bright sunny day would probably make you stick out more. I think we should wear dull colours like brownish/grayish or greenish/brownish/grayish cuz sometimes black makes you stick out a lot more. but i don’t think you should put on make up at all.
Assalamu alaykum,
Obviously the guy was the proverbial ” dirty old man”, and he was responsible for his actions, but she did do wrong by displaying her beauty. Alhamdulillah, Allah guided her and she saw her error. That was what this post was about. Everyone has different experiences in regards to their hijab, depending on where they live and the societal attitude to Islam in general in their area. Her point was that she finally understood what the meaning of the ayah was, and that she had not been following it. Therefore when she did understand and implemented that understanding by wearing the proper hijab her niyah was to please Allah. Allah says :
“O Prophet! Tell your wives and your daughters and the women of the believers to draw their cloaks (veils) all over their bodies… That will be better that they should be known (as free respectable women) so as not to be annoyed. And Allah is Ever Oft-Forgiving, Most Merciful.” [33:59]
We cannot argue with the Quran. Here it says that one of the reasons to wear the hijab is to protect yourself so that you will not be annoyed. She did not say that the entire incident was her fault, just that perhaps her beautifying herself had contributed to it. And Allah knows best.
Asalamu Alaykum,
The Hijab is infact a protection for the woman. Even if in some cases the woman is targeted because she’s wearing Hijab in non-Muslim countries, it’s not going to probably be for sexual or lustful reasons. Hijab is a protection. It is the commandment from Allah, we all know that. Allah has commanded women to wear the Hijab for a reason. That reason being for our own protection, to be identified as Muslim women, and to show obedience to Allah. To say i’m going to dress according to where I am and I will wear make up according to where I am is just not right. That’s just pleasing the non-believers, and evil people. Why do something just to please people.? Allah deserves to be worshipped and pleased and not people, especially those who encourage evil. So what if we live in non-Muslim countries, you still cannot abondon the correct hijab, which is covering everything from head to toe in long and flowy garments except for maybe the face and hands. Fear Allah no matter where you are. Allah is greater than everyone and everything!
Salam
assalamuaylykum warahmutallah wabarakatu manshallah this story really touched my heart wearing the hijab in a proper way could really protect u in alot of ways manshallah jazakallahukair for posting this
subhanAllah.
this made me cry.
Allah knows us best becasue He created us…
mashaAllah so true all of this.
i hate it when men look at me, i like being covered cause it gives me a sense of comfort, security and peace of mind.
jazakAllah for the good read, i pray that Allah subhanahu wa ta’alaa guides and protects all of us ameen.
I can appreciate all the comments made by all, shaila has some valid points.It really was a great blog, as a mother i am constantly worried about my teenage daughters looking atrractive, in no matter what they wear, the attraction will always be there in a perverts eye so who do we blame? We do live in a sick soceity, but the real positive message here is to our young daughters who can find themselves in awkward situations even when dressed modestly. I would like to print your article in our community magazine for muslim women would that be possible?
Sister Shamin, jazaki Allahu khayran for your beautiful comment. May Allah protect your daughters, and women everywhere from this type of harrassment.
Regarding your question: In general, we don’t mind if anyone uses material from the site insha’Allah, especially if you are able to link back or credit the site. This particular piece was taken from The Ideal Muslimah — I don’t think they would mind either, but you may want to contact them for permission, just in case.
Assalmualkium suban’Allah this is a very touching story it made me cry.how merciful is Allah to not let the animal hurt you.i’m going to share this story with all my friends and family.it makes you question yourself.i’m i really wearing the hijab right?jazakAllah
i really liked
mashaAllah, i beg Allah the most Merciful for Ar Rahman for his protection for all of my sisters.
Bu i really go with the comments from the lady SHAILA.. well said.
Men are not animals! they have no right to take from any woman what is rightly hers to give, even if she was to flaunt herself in front of him, its still hers to give and he has no right to feel he can just take it because he has more physical strenght…
Fi amanillah
salamu alaikum wa Rahmatullah wa Barakatuh
salam, I agree with Shaila. Women should not be blamed. Also, I believe that hijab should be worn for no reason except a reflection of your love for Allah. Sure some creepy experiences may bring us there. But that is the sole reason it should be truly worn. However, I believe hijab doesn't need to be explicitly worn through jilbab. I think a person can dress modestly in lose fitted clothing. Nevertheless, the sister's experience gave me chills, and I'm happy that at a moment of distress, the sister thought of Allah, and Allah (swt) sent someone to comfort her.
Assalamu alaikum-
I found this to be a great inspirational story. I do see where this perverted behavior can be avoided simply by women dressing how Allah told us to (No make up, jilbab, hijab). I used to work at a place and the girl that I worked with always had a face full of make up and awesome hair. Every day I would see fathers, respected individuals and so on flirting with her and would touch her shoulder and waist and worse. I never ever once got that alhamdulillah.
I am touched by the sincerity of the author. I know some sisters are in denial about having to wear hijab from reading this authors honest story, but they shouldn't be.
If you want to go the route where its only the mans fault, this is not fair. All men are commanded to lower their gaze, but it's our duty to wear proper hijab and not to adorn ourselves. Please don't make excuses.