Ya Ummi: Searching for Naseeha


When a Muslim seeks naseeha, or advice, it is best to seek that advice from people of knowledge. This can include people with the knowledge of Islam, but it can also include people with knowledge of the situation you are seeking advice for and people whom you trust. So I am personally coming to you, the readers, for naseeha. Although I may have an idea on how to approach this situation, the best advice can sometimes only come from those who have actually experienced it.

I am naming this new segment, “Ya Ummi,” (oh mother) because we all know that when we don’t know what to do next, the first person we usually seek help from is our mother.

Ya Ummi,

I am worried for my young friends and relatives. They currently attend public school, and are being strongly influenced by their non-Muslim classmates in their behavior and interests. This is causing them to dress like their classmates, in tight jeans and fitted shirts, sometimes even short-sleeved. They continue to wear the hijab, but their behavior does not reflect what the hijab is supposed to represent. Their language is vulgar, and unfortunately, so is their behavior in public. They have no shame in how they act, even when they wear the hijab.

I wish there was something I could do, but sometimes I feel like I have no right to say a thing to them. I once used to be this way, when I was their age, and only changed my ways after I graduated from high school. Even a few years in college as well. I feel like if I try to correct them, they will feel the same towards me, that I have no right to say anything to them because I did those things as well. But I feel that if I don’t do anything, they will continue on this path and may not come back to the correct ways of Islam.

I know guidance only comes from Allah, but there must be something that I can do to help steer them away from their current group of friends, and encourage them to make friends with a better crowd, and ultimately make them see that the life they are currently seeking is not a life worth living. What should I do?

I would love to hear your suggestions and advice, and if you have gone through a similar situation, what did you do? And what was the outcome of it?


If you would like to submit your own “Ya Ummi” post, you can do so via the Contact form. Please note that this is not a place to seek fatwas, but rather a place to seek advice from others who may have gone through similar experiences. If you would like answers to fiqh issues, you can visit IslamQA.com or contact your local imam.