Ya Ummi: Searching for Naseeha
10When a Muslim seeks naseeha, or advice, it is best to seek that advice from people of knowledge. This can include people with the knowledge of Islam, but it can also include people with knowledge of the situation you are seeking advice for and people whom you trust. So I am personally coming to you, the readers, for naseeha. Although I may have an idea on how to approach this situation, the best advice can sometimes only come from those who have actually experienced it.
I am naming this new segment, “Ya Ummi,” (oh mother) because we all know that when we don’t know what to do next, the first person we usually seek help from is our mother.
Ya Ummi,
I am worried for my young friends and relatives. They currently attend public school, and are being strongly influenced by their non-Muslim classmates in their behavior and interests. This is causing them to dress like their classmates, in tight jeans and fitted shirts, sometimes even short-sleeved. They continue to wear the hijab, but their behavior does not reflect what the hijab is supposed to represent. Their language is vulgar, and unfortunately, so is their behavior in public. They have no shame in how they act, even when they wear the hijab.
I wish there was something I could do, but sometimes I feel like I have no right to say a thing to them. I once used to be this way, when I was their age, and only changed my ways after I graduated from high school. Even a few years in college as well. I feel like if I try to correct them, they will feel the same towards me, that I have no right to say anything to them because I did those things as well. But I feel that if I don’t do anything, they will continue on this path and may not come back to the correct ways of Islam.
I know guidance only comes from Allah, but there must be something that I can do to help steer them away from their current group of friends, and encourage them to make friends with a better crowd, and ultimately make them see that the life they are currently seeking is not a life worth living. What should I do?
I would love to hear your suggestions and advice, and if you have gone through a similar situation, what did you do? And what was the outcome of it?
______________
If you would like to submit your own “Ya Ummi” post, you can do so via the Contact form. Please note that this is not a place to seek fatwas, but rather a place to seek advice from others who may have gone through similar experiences. If you would like answers to fiqh issues, you can visit IslamQA.com or contact your local imam.
The Muslim Coach
April 16, 2009Assalamu alaikum
Can you invite them all over and invite other sisters who do display the hijab as it should be worn? Its important for them to be exposed to different practises. They need to have role models who have done things differently, and sometimes Satan tempts us to do things they way everyone around us is doing things, but we find a new way by taking the example of an inspirational figure who has not chosen the path that everyone else went down. Does that sound like a plan? So, perhaps guidance will not directly from your words, but another sister, Inshallah. May Allah make it easy for you all.
The Muslim Coach
April 16, 2009Assalamu alaikum
Can you invite them all over and invite other sisters who do display the hijab as it should be worn? Its important for them to be exposed to different practises. They need to have role models who have done things differently, and sometimes Satan tempts us to do things they way everyone around us is doing things, but we find a new way by taking the example of an inspirational figure who has not chosen the path that everyone else went down. Does that sound like a plan? So, perhaps guidance will not directly from your words, but another sister, Inshallah. May Allah make it easy for you all.
Patience
April 18, 2009Alsalamualaikum :]
Being surrounded by good people is defenitely important! I myself began to actually practice Islam properly once I entered highschool and met AMAZING muslim sisters! You’re friends influence you ENORMOUSLY! and only when I look back in retrospect do I realize it’s significance.
Invite them to Islamic events, allow them to meet other muslim sisters-as was mentionned above-, and try to be a good reminder; constant reminders can go a LONG way! and Most importantly, MAKE DUA!
Patience
April 18, 2009Alsalamualaikum :]
Being surrounded by good people is defenitely important! I myself began to actually practice Islam properly once I entered highschool and met AMAZING muslim sisters! You’re friends influence you ENORMOUSLY! and only when I look back in retrospect do I realize it’s significance.
Invite them to Islamic events, allow them to meet other muslim sisters-as was mentionned above-, and try to be a good reminder; constant reminders can go a LONG way! and Most importantly, MAKE DUA!
Bint AbdelHamid
April 22, 2009I’ve had troubles connecting with that age group (specifically younger high schoolers) in the past as well.
But in the end, these sisters appreciate intelligence and honesty. They like being addressed directly and having their minds engaged. They’re going through a lot, may Allah protect them, and they need to know that we understand them — so leveling with them and addressing them as adults can go a long way.
Have you thought of approaching them directly with the subject?
Bint AbdelHamid
April 22, 2009I’ve had troubles connecting with that age group (specifically younger high schoolers) in the past as well.
But in the end, these sisters appreciate intelligence and honesty. They like being addressed directly and having their minds engaged. They’re going through a lot, may Allah protect them, and they need to know that we understand them — so leveling with them and addressing them as adults can go a long way.
Have you thought of approaching them directly with the subject?
Sarah
April 26, 2009SubhanAllah, high school…
I agree – surround yourself with Muslims. You are who your friends are.
Remeber, being strange is cool, because who did the Prophet (SAS) give glad tidings to? The strangers :)
And, just be their sister! Really. Personally, I think being there for them really helps to push them in the right way… kinda like what Bint AbdelHamid said.
WaAllahu’alim.
Sarah
April 25, 2009SubhanAllah, high school…
I agree – surround yourself with Muslims. You are who your friends are.
Remeber, being strange is cool, because who did the Prophet (SAS) give glad tidings to? The strangers :)
And, just be their sister! Really. Personally, I think being there for them really helps to push them in the right way… kinda like what Bint AbdelHamid said.
WaAllahu’alim.
sisterinislam
July 07, 2010http://www.halaltube.com/nouman-ali-khan-contra…
sisterinislam
July 07, 2010Br. Nouman talks about things such as just inviting them to the masjid for youth group activities, or simply hanging out with them, being kind- before you even say anything about Islam
try being kind just as a friend, and slowly you might influence them just with actions or slowly they might come to you… hope this helps :)
http://www.themodernreligion.com/teens/teen_12t…